


Right Now, I Wanna Be Not Okay

by Kadenwalsh



Series: Darling, You'll Be Okay [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Alive AU, Angst, Everyone Is Alive, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Luke Alex and Bobby are good friends, Luke is a recovering addict, Mentioned Top Surgery, Modern AU, Reggie Peters Character Study (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Peters Has Bad Parents (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Peters Has a Sibling (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie is a good older brother, Reggie needs a hug, Reggie's Parents Suck, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), no one dies, reggie is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29641695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kadenwalsh/pseuds/Kadenwalsh
Summary: Reggie's life keeps getting worse and one day at band practice things boil over.
Relationships: Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Alex Mercer & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Reggie Peters & sister! OC
Series: Darling, You'll Be Okay [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150361
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	Right Now, I Wanna Be Not Okay

**Author's Note:**

> READ THE TAGS There are some heavy subjects talked about in this part- nothing explicit just mentions of drug abuse, suicidal thoughts, and child/domestic abuse.

“You know you can talk to us about anything right?”

Reggie was tuning his bass in the studio, not even looking up when Luke had started talking. It was one of the rare rehearsals that Mallory wasn’t at, mostly because Reggie had spent the night in the ER after getting between his parents the night before, so she was spending the next couple of nights at a friend's house. 

“Yeah.” The concerned look Luke, Alex, and Bobby shared didn’t go unnoticed before the lead singer continued.

“You’re gonna be okay.” At that Reggie froze. He had tried so hard to look like nothing was wrong when coming in for rehearsal, but the absence of Mallory was a tell in itself. 

“Yeah, I mean you’re 18 soon enough, and then-“ Bobby’s words of encouragement were interrupted by a sharp sound coming from the bass that was dangling from Reggie's body. 

“Can you stop?”

“Stop what Reg? We were just trying to-“

“To what? Tell me that it’s fine? To be patient?” He was quickly losing his cool, and honestly, he was too tired to try to find it. 

“I don’t want to keep waiting okay?” The boys looked at Reggie, a mix of concern and scared on their faces.

“Look, we’re just trying to help-”

“I don’t need your advice.” Reggie spit. He was getting mad and he knew it wasn’t fair to get mad at his friends, they were trying because they cared, but he was just so tired of this. All of it. 

“We know what it’s like to-”

“You don’t know what it’s like.” This had the other boys frozen. Reggie didn’t get mad, he actively avoided it, but he had just spit the words at them like poison. 

“You don’t know what it’s like to take care of a child while the people who are supposed to be her parents are screaming at each other about how much they hate you! Or how to tell an 8-year-old girl that her parents don’t actually love her or each other and that her friends were right! You don’t get it!

“And yes, I understand, it’s only a few more years until we can leave but you don’t know what it’s like in that house! Y-you, don’t have to listen to the way they scream at each other like… like they want to hurt each other. They’re supposed to love each other! They’re supposed to love us…” Reggie’s voice cracked at the end, but he barely registered it. The bruises on his back ache and it felt like all the air from his lungs had been sucked out. Anger seeping out of his body only to be replaced by pain. 

“I'm so tired of waiting for them to change- for them to stop…” he choked out a sob as his body finally collapsed in on itself. Luke grabbed him before he could fall on the floor, handing his bass to Bobby as Alex helped Luke get Reggie over to the couch. 

“It’s always gonna stay the same,” he sobbed curling into Alex, “I want to just give up.” No one knew how to respond to that, but Bobby kneeled in front of him and Luke curled around his back, trying to support their friend. Alex stroked his hair, letting the boy cling to him, and giving the others a look that meant that he had no fucking clue what to do. None of them did.

Reggie fell asleep in Alex’s lap, exhausted after the events of the day. Alex tried to move him, but even in his sleep, he clung to the blonde like a lifeline. 

“What the fuck are we supposed to do?” Bobby asked softly, the pain in his eyes mirrored in the others. 

“I- I don’t know…” Luke muttered. 

“What we always do,” Alex said after a moment of silence. “We help him through it the best we can. We did it with Luke, we can do it with Reggie.” 

Luke scoffed, “That was different though. I chose to do what I did, Reggie doesn’t get a choice here.” 

“Luke, addiction isn’t a choice,” Bobby moves to sit on the other side of Luke, wrapping one arm around his waist. 

“But-“

“No.” Alex’s voice left no room for arguments; they had already fought over every factor of that part of Luke’s life, they didn’t need to bring it up again. 

“Agree to disagree?”

“Luke, it wasn’t your fault, you know that right?” 

“Bobby, I chose to take those pills. I chose to keep doing that even when I knew it was wrong!”

“And you chose to stop too.” Alex reminded him. 

When Luke had gotten top surgery the summer before, he had started taking one or two extra painkillers to dull the pain, but things quickly escalated. No one noticed until a couple of months later, but Reggie had only found out because he witnessed Luke’s fit of rage after the prescription had run out. He had tried to get Reggie to not say anything and was pissed when he told his parents. After getting the help he had forgiven Reggie, knowing what he was doing was wrong and Reggie just wanted to help his friend. They had all promised to never do any kind of drugs, both in loyalty to Luke, but because they saw what could happen, and none of them wanted that. While it was only a few months, Luke still had a hard time forgiving himself.

“We’re going to do our best to make the time he’s here with us happy and positive. And remind him that he’s loved. That we love him and Mallory so much.” Bobby’s breath ghosted over Luke’s shoulder as he spoke, bringing him out of his head. 

“Remind him that he’s not alone in this.”

The three boys sit quietly as Reggie sleeps, not ready to go back to the real world just yet. Cuddle time was important, especially when one of them was hurting. 

Reggie woke up about an hour later to Luke asleep against his back and Bobby and Alex idly chatting about schoolwork. With the weight of his boys against him, he momentarily forgot why he had been so upset, but Luke shifted slightly, elbow grazing one of the bruises on his side. 

“Fuck,” Reggie mumbled, the night before coming back immediately. 

“Reg?” Bobby moves Luke off his back, waking the other boy up in the process, and moves back to kneeling in front of him. 

“You feeling any better?”

“I dunno what you’re talking about.” Reggie curled further into Alex, hoping that they would let him live in denial. They didn’t. 

“Reg, as much as I love cuddling with you, I think we need to talk about what happened,” Alex urged as he brought the other boy out from where he had been trying to carve his way into his chest. 

“Fine.” He sits up but doesn’t move far enough that the other boys aren’t still touching him.

“Reg-“ Luke starts, his emotions clear as day in his expression. 

“Don’t- don’t look at me like that.” Reggie focuses on his hands, spinning his ring around his finger.  
“Like what?” Alex encouraged.

“I know… I know you have good intentions. But right now I want to be not okay.” Alex tightens his grip around Reggie but doesn’t say anything. 

“I- I'm just over it all, you know? I don’t want to have to try so hard to keep Mallory safe, or my parents from fucking hurting each other. It’s never going to change and I’m just so fucking tired and I-I just…” All three boys seem to be holding their breath; they knew it was bad at his house but never this bad. 

“I just want to give up.”

“Reg…” Bobby rests a hand on his knee.

“I know- I know I can’t because Mallory is counting on me and you guys… but I can’t keep doing this.” He takes a deep breath before continuing, “I just want it all to end sometimes.” 

“You- Reg, we- we didn’t know…” Luke tried, but the right words just didn’t seem to be coming out.

“I didn’t want you to know.”

And they didn’t really know, Reggie though. They didn’t know how much he thought about ending it all, or how much his parents hurt each other or him. Not until now.

“I know it seems like a lifetime away, but you’re so close to being 18 and getting out of here, getting Mallory out of here.” Bobby’s voice is softer than he had ever heard, paired with Luke brushing his fingers through his hair and Alex’s reassuring arm around him, Reggie almost felt okay. He knew that they would never really know what it was like to live in his house, but he was grateful for that. They didn’t need to know that pain, no one did. 

“Thanks,” Reggie mumbled, leaning into Alex again, “can we stay like this for a little longer?”  
With a laugh, they agree and reconfigure themselves so that Bobby can fit on the couch as well. It’s a tight squeeze, and Reggie has to hold back a few choice words when one of them brushes against his sides, but they finally settle. He knows that things back at his house aren’t forever and that it hasn’t been anything close to a home for a long time, but right here with his boys? This is home.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!! And if you want to help me create the rest of this please let me know, I'd appreciate some help!


End file.
